She sat there. Legs crossed, keeping her head down, trying as hard as she can to keep her face hidden. She was crying, hard. And somehow even when no one was there, she felt as if a thousand eyes were upon here. Staring and judging. And she found solace with the action.
"How can you say such things? I'm nothing like what you say I am. Sometimes I feel you don't know me. Even though we've been together for so long." He grimaced, he knew it was too much. He knew he couldn't take it back. He knew what he said, crossed the line. " I.. I'm sorry", he tried. "Don't! Don't say it and say you don't to mean it, at least have the courtesy to tell me what you feel. To tell the truth! ", she cut him off.
It was these little arguments that they had. Things they tolerated about each other. Things they thought they wouldn't mind. Things that really were trivial. But it all adds up. The longer you stay with a person, the more intolerable it became. And that's the tragic truth. They had enough of each other. And each second they were together, felt wrong and senseless.
She picked the photo frame up. Pieces of shattered glass still cling stubbornly on the frame like old memories unwilling to fade. They looked so happy, she thought. And she wondered when it all changed. And she smiled, her mind lurking through happier times as another tear rolled down her cheek...
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Nestle Safety Day
So last tuesday was Nestle Safety Day (i didnt know that until i was at the factory =.="), so there were 6 check points with different task. 1 of the check point was to answer the short term and long term of smoking and its effect towards environment.. so we get the answer bla bla bla.. then we got an option to check our artery for FREE.. according to the ppl there it cost RM 250 if do outside and that day was free.. AND MY DAY STARTED TO TURN MISERABLE!!!
so i went to the doctor he apply some liquid and ask my to put my finger on the (something) scope.. he adjust adjust and pop, i can c my blood flow which that scope thing connected to the computer.. AND FOR GOD SAKE IM ONLY 23 AND MY BLOOD FLOW IS NOT FLUENT!!!! FML!!! according to the doctor my blood flow is 65% good.. =.=" (that wasn't comforting at all) *DAMN* *EMO-ING*
Im so gonna start to drink a lot of water and eat lesser oily food from now on.. Cant believe my body is really so dam unhealthy.. but thank god he said that the blood flow to my heart is good.. HAHAHHA!!! piece of advice folks out there, try to go for body check up once a year.. it might cost few hundred but its worth it.. =)
so i went to the doctor he apply some liquid and ask my to put my finger on the (something) scope.. he adjust adjust and pop, i can c my blood flow which that scope thing connected to the computer.. AND FOR GOD SAKE IM ONLY 23 AND MY BLOOD FLOW IS NOT FLUENT!!!! FML!!! according to the doctor my blood flow is 65% good.. =.=" (that wasn't comforting at all) *DAMN* *EMO-ING*
Im so gonna start to drink a lot of water and eat lesser oily food from now on.. Cant believe my body is really so dam unhealthy.. but thank god he said that the blood flow to my heart is good.. HAHAHHA!!! piece of advice folks out there, try to go for body check up once a year.. it might cost few hundred but its worth it.. =)
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Strangers again
Never really knew how to deal with post relationships. There is no one particular rule that one can follow nor is there anything set in stone.
More often than not, one just tries to ignore that former significant other. And the feeling's strange. Like how can two be so close a moment, and next act like the other doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't feel right and probably shouldn't be that way. But that's what most people go through. There is sadness in it and real pain that just gets covered up with the sands of time and the feeling forgotten.
Maybe that's why we choose to be alone sometimes. Because the risk isn't worth it when we spend so much time and feelings to make that person the center of our lives just to fall out of love one day and be strangers again...
More often than not, one just tries to ignore that former significant other. And the feeling's strange. Like how can two be so close a moment, and next act like the other doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't feel right and probably shouldn't be that way. But that's what most people go through. There is sadness in it and real pain that just gets covered up with the sands of time and the feeling forgotten.
Maybe that's why we choose to be alone sometimes. Because the risk isn't worth it when we spend so much time and feelings to make that person the center of our lives just to fall out of love one day and be strangers again...
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Things that we wouldnt know
Few years back before I enter UNI, i was so ambitious to work in Nestle Company. It is 1 of the leading food manufacturing company in the world and now few years later... I manage to do my internship in Nestle but what you see on the outside is not the same on the inside...
Hahahaha.. after working in Nestle, all those shit thing start to show up.. Apparently the company care about the non management employee more than management employee.. For management employee the working time is from 8am to 4.45pm that is what had been statement when they sign the agreement..
But.. hahaha.. there is always a but everytime.. From my 1 and half month experience, i had never seen anyone of them go back home before 7pm.. Usually my colleague go back around 8 something or 9 something.. when there are too much work sometimes even tunil 11 something and not only that go back also must work IMAGINE THAT!!! lol..
You wouldnt believe it rite.. Such a huge company but yet the worker work like dog.. hahaha.. OH i forget and not all the department can claim OT eventhough u work like dog ur BLOODY pay is still the same.. LIFE ISNT FAIR RITE..
That all from me now.. THE NESTLE INSIDER.. hahahaha..
Eh WL lu emo apa emo la.. ku tak cari kamu bukan lupa kamu.. ku cuma tak nak ingat muka bodoh kau.. hahahaha.. :P aiya everyone is busy with their life la bro now eat also not much time wer got FUCKING TIME TO TALK SUM SI summor... Next time i allocate sometime for u la ok.. BUT for DOTA only.. hahahahaha
Hahahaha.. after working in Nestle, all those shit thing start to show up.. Apparently the company care about the non management employee more than management employee.. For management employee the working time is from 8am to 4.45pm that is what had been statement when they sign the agreement..
But.. hahaha.. there is always a but everytime.. From my 1 and half month experience, i had never seen anyone of them go back home before 7pm.. Usually my colleague go back around 8 something or 9 something.. when there are too much work sometimes even tunil 11 something and not only that go back also must work IMAGINE THAT!!! lol..
You wouldnt believe it rite.. Such a huge company but yet the worker work like dog.. hahaha.. OH i forget and not all the department can claim OT eventhough u work like dog ur BLOODY pay is still the same.. LIFE ISNT FAIR RITE..
That all from me now.. THE NESTLE INSIDER.. hahahaha..
Eh WL lu emo apa emo la.. ku tak cari kamu bukan lupa kamu.. ku cuma tak nak ingat muka bodoh kau.. hahahaha.. :P aiya everyone is busy with their life la bro now eat also not much time wer got FUCKING TIME TO TALK SUM SI summor... Next time i allocate sometime for u la ok.. BUT for DOTA only.. hahahahaha
Friday, April 19, 2013
Perfect Company
Lately I have been thinking about the people around me. Be it friends, family, acquaintance or just strangers. I realized that I do not have someone who I can really talk to. I mean I do have people around me that care (or so I think) about my life but there isn't one that is truly interested with my life. Be it the mundane stuff, or things that I hold dear like my life views, the interest I have towards animals or things that I could not tell anyone because it doesn't feel right, like how I dislike certain things but don't know who or where to vent it out.
Sometimes I feel awfully alone (not emo) because even after so many people I've meet, I still can't find that someone who I can just be around with the whole day and still have something to talk about.
I think this life mission of finding that person is hard. And it doesn't help that I've begun to shut myself out from new people I met or old ones. I sometimes just feel that there isn't any reason to begin caring about someone else when it doesn't reciprocate. And it's frustrating when I'm just another person or a random stranger to them. I want to start caring for another and know that he/she is caring for me too. And that everything that I do, I'll think of them. And so will they. Be it a new restaurant, some new place they've been to or a new website they stumbled upon.
But alas, its never easy. Still, I won't give up looking for that perfect company...
Sometimes I feel awfully alone (not emo) because even after so many people I've meet, I still can't find that someone who I can just be around with the whole day and still have something to talk about.
I think this life mission of finding that person is hard. And it doesn't help that I've begun to shut myself out from new people I met or old ones. I sometimes just feel that there isn't any reason to begin caring about someone else when it doesn't reciprocate. And it's frustrating when I'm just another person or a random stranger to them. I want to start caring for another and know that he/she is caring for me too. And that everything that I do, I'll think of them. And so will they. Be it a new restaurant, some new place they've been to or a new website they stumbled upon.
But alas, its never easy. Still, I won't give up looking for that perfect company...
Monday, April 15, 2013
The returned wanderer..
Randomly decided to blog-stalk my old haunts and was pleasantly surprised to find new posts. hahaha
How many years has it been? Lazy to count. Too late to do anything but yawn and type randomo on a rilly old blog.. lols
How far have we come since Form 6? Idk about you guys but it feels like I've come a thousand nautical miles. (its impossible to quantify human experience and express it in nautical miles, but I'm feeling poetic tonight. humor me) I've learned so much, done so much, loved and hated, gone places where I thought I wouldn't go.
It's been.. only 1221 days since STPM? (courtesy of the Dav's blog - he still has that counter ther. haha)
I miss Form 6 sometimes. And then I miss being in first year. Then second year. Then..
Grab every moment you can while you still can. Even the ones that hurt. Because
1) you'll never get them back. don't live in the past
2) hurting proves to you that you're human. and that you're alive.
Till next time..
How many years has it been? Lazy to count. Too late to do anything but yawn and type randomo on a rilly old blog.. lols
How far have we come since Form 6? Idk about you guys but it feels like I've come a thousand nautical miles. (its impossible to quantify human experience and express it in nautical miles, but I'm feeling poetic tonight. humor me) I've learned so much, done so much, loved and hated, gone places where I thought I wouldn't go.
It's been.. only 1221 days since STPM? (courtesy of the Dav's blog - he still has that counter ther. haha)
I miss Form 6 sometimes. And then I miss being in first year. Then second year. Then..
Grab every moment you can while you still can. Even the ones that hurt. Because
1) you'll never get them back. don't live in the past
2) hurting proves to you that you're human. and that you're alive.
Till next time..
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Trials of Men #2
The first drop of rain touched her cheeks while she stared into the horizon. Sipping her favorite cup of hot chocolate while sitting at the veranda and reading the latest novel by Jodi Picoult. It was a habit she's been practicing since a little girl.
She paused momentarily, looking up to the skies. Dark clouds and thunder rumbling in the distance created a hypnotic surrealism that brought her back to the day she met him.
It was raining that afternoon too, she was rushing back from classes and decided to check into the nearest coffee house to avoid getting wet. It was a crowded place, filled with students who like her just finished their classes. The smell of fresh brew of coffee greeted her with an almost pleasant delight as she stepped in. Slowly, she maneuvered her way across an empty table at the corner that her blue eyes caught on. The sound of chatting and laughter slowly fading in the background.
"Thump!" The sound of heavy books landed on the table just as Anne was reaching the table she spotted. It seems someone else had the same thing in mind. She looked up, and a tall man with broad shoulders slowly lifted his sling bag and lay it on the floor. He had black curly hair which was left unchecked. All she could glimpse from his face was a tiny dimple on the corner of his cheeks.
Heaving a heavy sigh, she looked around, disappointed that her seat was taken. Then he turned, probably from hearing the sound of her muttered frustration under her breath.
He smiled, gesturing her to take his place knowing that she wanted the place as well. Anne was slightly shocked, she was momentarily taken back. He was quite a charmer, she thought to herself. And a gentleman too. "Miss?", the man called out. Apparently, Anne stood still longer than she thought. "Would you like to take a seat?", he offered. Slightly blushed, she nodded. "My name's Frank. You?", the man asked. "Anne", she smiled.
She paused momentarily, looking up to the skies. Dark clouds and thunder rumbling in the distance created a hypnotic surrealism that brought her back to the day she met him.
It was raining that afternoon too, she was rushing back from classes and decided to check into the nearest coffee house to avoid getting wet. It was a crowded place, filled with students who like her just finished their classes. The smell of fresh brew of coffee greeted her with an almost pleasant delight as she stepped in. Slowly, she maneuvered her way across an empty table at the corner that her blue eyes caught on. The sound of chatting and laughter slowly fading in the background.
"Thump!" The sound of heavy books landed on the table just as Anne was reaching the table she spotted. It seems someone else had the same thing in mind. She looked up, and a tall man with broad shoulders slowly lifted his sling bag and lay it on the floor. He had black curly hair which was left unchecked. All she could glimpse from his face was a tiny dimple on the corner of his cheeks.
Heaving a heavy sigh, she looked around, disappointed that her seat was taken. Then he turned, probably from hearing the sound of her muttered frustration under her breath.
He smiled, gesturing her to take his place knowing that she wanted the place as well. Anne was slightly shocked, she was momentarily taken back. He was quite a charmer, she thought to herself. And a gentleman too. "Miss?", the man called out. Apparently, Anne stood still longer than she thought. "Would you like to take a seat?", he offered. Slightly blushed, she nodded. "My name's Frank. You?", the man asked. "Anne", she smiled.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Trials of men #1
And there she stood. As the moon glowed, pale in comparison with the gleam on her face. She took a look at her wrist watch, a gift she got for her 21st birthday, 6 years ago.
He was late. She waited patiently, occasionally stomping her feet to the rhythm in her head. A slow beat that she's been hearing lately. Was it something that comes when she was drifting away from all relevance of reality? She was not sure, but she knew it soothes her.
Out of the corner, she could hear hurried footsteps, and a familiar face appeared from behind the green bushes. He called out "Anne!" While catching his breath from the long stretch of pavement he jogged to come over. "I'm sorry I'm late. I had to run some errands before getting here", he explained.
Although she was annoyed with tardiness, she couldn't hold the anger for long, for she was enjoying the soft smile on this man's face. Filled with energy and eagerness to please. Such a handsome man, she thought to herself. His eyes shined with a sparkle that was both captivating and beautiful. And she knew it there and then, she was in love...
Friday, March 22, 2013
Excitement
This place is not so dead after all. Not so fun anymore. hahaha
I'm bored. I need something to do. I shall go rent a boat
I'm bored. I need something to do. I shall go rent a boat
Monday, March 18, 2013
I wonder.. @_@
Today i finally know what is way much more boring than taking sample and weigh!!! Its rechecking the moisture content analysis book.. =.="
Been doing that the whole day and im still not done... i really cant imagine how those accountant keep up with their work... everyday see figure... i sat down and start for few minutes i also give up d... hahahaha.. XD
My senior always tell me to enjoy my intern but i still cant find a way to enjoy it... its kinda boring... and yeah i felt like i been cleaning up someone rubbish all the time.. when they cant finish their job on time then ask me to do.. haizz... LIFE LIFE LIFE...
Worst part of all i woke up at least 5 times today when i was sleeping.. WTH!!! yesterday played futsal dam tired but cannot sleep soundly at all.. this suck and must wake up at 640..
Hopefully tomoro gonna be a better day... ADIOS!!
Been doing that the whole day and im still not done... i really cant imagine how those accountant keep up with their work... everyday see figure... i sat down and start for few minutes i also give up d... hahahaha.. XD
My senior always tell me to enjoy my intern but i still cant find a way to enjoy it... its kinda boring... and yeah i felt like i been cleaning up someone rubbish all the time.. when they cant finish their job on time then ask me to do.. haizz... LIFE LIFE LIFE...
Worst part of all i woke up at least 5 times today when i was sleeping.. WTH!!! yesterday played futsal dam tired but cannot sleep soundly at all.. this suck and must wake up at 640..
Hopefully tomoro gonna be a better day... ADIOS!!
Dreams and what to make of it
I had the funkiest dream.
It was the end of the world, and we were in a modern space ship. Probably just waiting to die. I was with my wife (yes, I had a wife). Really beautiful but she was dying of cancer. (very tragic).
Her hair was falling and her body was weak. I was bringing her to a lounge where she could lay down more comfortably.
Then, a bunch of people came over to where we were and started making a ruckus. I was pretty mad because that moment felt really intimate when we were siting down side by side. Her lying on my shoulders and all.
So I made some signs hinting them that they should leave. But they did not get it. So I screamed at them. And they left.
And I woke up after that.
Really wonder what that means. Maybe it's a reflection of my love life. Strangers coming in the way and spoiling everything. Hahahaha. Or it's a sign that I really need to get a life.
It was the end of the world, and we were in a modern space ship. Probably just waiting to die. I was with my wife (yes, I had a wife). Really beautiful but she was dying of cancer. (very tragic).
Her hair was falling and her body was weak. I was bringing her to a lounge where she could lay down more comfortably.
Then, a bunch of people came over to where we were and started making a ruckus. I was pretty mad because that moment felt really intimate when we were siting down side by side. Her lying on my shoulders and all.
So I made some signs hinting them that they should leave. But they did not get it. So I screamed at them. And they left.
And I woke up after that.
Really wonder what that means. Maybe it's a reflection of my love life. Strangers coming in the way and spoiling everything. Hahahaha. Or it's a sign that I really need to get a life.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Incognito
I totally forgotten about this place. This place used to be fun. Used to be where we gathered. Used to be where we catch up on our lives. I like this place. I find it so hard to find a place to vent things out lately, until I found this place again.
Everyone is watching us these days. Waiting for us to fall and make mistakes. And I find it more frustrating that there are people out there talking about us like they know who we are. People who we don't even bother asking their name. Babbling about us. And we thought we could trust them. How foolish.
I find it sad that we can't go back to the past. I liked it there. Things were much simpler. Mistakes were not made yet. Regrets not felt. Love not lost.
I find myself going back to the past again and again. There is something there I'm missing. Like a huge chunk of me. Which I left it back there. I wish I could get it back. And feel it again.
I definitely miss her. I miss being with her. I miss having just her by my side no matter what the odds. I took it for granted and now all is lost. Though it hurts like hell, we all move on. You do, she did and I probably will... someday. But I don't know why I keep finding myself reminiscing about it. Every sad song that I hear, it's about her. Oh how I wish those were merrier tunes that I'll sing to.
I guess I'll just keep going back. Until I find the day I look back up.
Hopefully by the time someone reads this, we are all happier and have moved on. No matter how hard the notion seems now. I'll miss her for sure but I can't stop here. It's unfair to lock her down, and it's unfair to lock my heart out... I'm sure I'll find someone. For better or for worse. She did. Guess it'll be my turn.
Everyone is watching us these days. Waiting for us to fall and make mistakes. And I find it more frustrating that there are people out there talking about us like they know who we are. People who we don't even bother asking their name. Babbling about us. And we thought we could trust them. How foolish.
I find it sad that we can't go back to the past. I liked it there. Things were much simpler. Mistakes were not made yet. Regrets not felt. Love not lost.
I find myself going back to the past again and again. There is something there I'm missing. Like a huge chunk of me. Which I left it back there. I wish I could get it back. And feel it again.
I definitely miss her. I miss being with her. I miss having just her by my side no matter what the odds. I took it for granted and now all is lost. Though it hurts like hell, we all move on. You do, she did and I probably will... someday. But I don't know why I keep finding myself reminiscing about it. Every sad song that I hear, it's about her. Oh how I wish those were merrier tunes that I'll sing to.
I guess I'll just keep going back. Until I find the day I look back up.
Hopefully by the time someone reads this, we are all happier and have moved on. No matter how hard the notion seems now. I'll miss her for sure but I can't stop here. It's unfair to lock her down, and it's unfair to lock my heart out... I'm sure I'll find someone. For better or for worse. She did. Guess it'll be my turn.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Time don turn back
i am now emoing for the stupid thing that i had done last few days.. i will make it a lesson well learn for me as it cause me alot this time.. i didnt know that sadness can be up to this level..
idk whether is there anyone reading this blog or not but if u do remember this.. TOLERATE!!! even though u will be eating shit at that time but that pile of shit is definitely gonna be bigger if u did not tolerate.. it took me a hard way to learn that giving in is a very important thing to do.. i hope that u do not need to be in my shoe..
signing off..
idk whether is there anyone reading this blog or not but if u do remember this.. TOLERATE!!! even though u will be eating shit at that time but that pile of shit is definitely gonna be bigger if u did not tolerate.. it took me a hard way to learn that giving in is a very important thing to do.. i hope that u do not need to be in my shoe..
signing off..
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